The unbearable heaviness of being

My heart weighs a ton. It drags the centre of my being right to the ground, making my legs heavy, my heart heavy, my eyes heavy, my face long.

The cause of it, I have mulled over for ages. Such that I am no longer sure of what causes it.
Is it the work, is it the environment, is it the person/persons?
All tumbled dry into one dried decrepit biscuit.

What's happening? A blushing bride-to-be should not be struck by a depression this heavy.

Injustice - I figure, has some part to play. The feeling of being taken for a ride, of having your niceness taken for granted, is not a good feeling to have. Sure, God says that the just will be persecuted. But He didn't say that the just will feel depressed, did He?

I'm hardly Job, but I can feel how he feels. He's done no wrong, why would God test him thus - subjecting him to tortures both physical and emotional.

I walk in a daze through the office, passing people I can't bear to look at, can't be cheered by. I know this is all inside me somehow, and I gotta get out of it. But how? Everytime I think of that source of my pain, my bane, I know that this is not going to stop. I pray for a miracle. Someone take it away and make it disappear. Why is this thing robbing me of my entire joy and spirits in such disproportionate percentages? Somehow, I just can't put it into perspective. Just can't.