A Trampled Week Part Two - Counting the Blessings

I don't want to look back at this week as being all bad.

There are good things.

I went to lunch with a colleague from America. What at first started out a trifle awkward soon became very comfortable. I always thought I have trouble communicating with Caucasians, and I have long attributed that to the fact that despite I look a little Western, I'm very very Asian inside. We had a lovely discussion and I learnt many things and felt enriched.

But hey, now the two most comfortable colleagues I have are Caucasians, plus a couple more from overseas. Maybe I have grown into a new level of sophistication when it comes to making friends. In this increasingly global environment, race sometimes rears its ugly head but melts down after goodwill persists in its universal fashion.

It's also reassuring that people have noticed the problems I've been facing at work, so I'm not that alone with the problem as I thought I was. I've always worried that being me, I will never be able to defend myself really well even if the truth of the matter is on my side. Therefore, fear often overtakes me when I feel oppressed and unhappy. But it's nice when I know that some people are watching out for me, when people notice a particularly downcast face, strained expressions on a peculiarly bad day. It doesnt solve anything but it makes me feel stronger, as if by their little act of notice, they impart a little strength to me that things will resolve itself according to the natural order and rule that God has created. Thanks very much to them!

There are many things I need to learn:

First I need to care less about the remarks people make. I think this boils down to me being a people-pleaser. I have to learn that I can't please everyone and learn not to let petty, snide remarks get to me. This will be an extraordinary project.

Second I need to learn to let go.

Third I should return the favour. Start paying attention to the people around me, in a good way, not bad. Watch out for their silent cries for concern, masked deeply by a business like face. There must be many people like me around, where are they all?

Fourth I must learn to forgive. They say that women forgive, but never forget. I am struggling with the former already, what more the latter. But it can be done. With God's help. Hopefully God hasnt given up on me yet.